原函：
Your message has been received. Thank you.
It is difficult to understand your inquiry of 56mm 8ohm waterproof speaker which can handle 102db, because through our vast experience, it is almost impossible in technology. Can you supply us with your sample? If so, it would be big help to this project.
Hope we could work together.
Yours faithfully,
很顯然，這封郵件有很多缺點(diǎn)，首先語(yǔ)句呆板，嚴(yán)重的“生意腔”使郵件毫無(wú)生氣。句子長(zhǎng)而亂，含義模糊。沒(méi)有提供足夠的資料來(lái)支持自己的論點(diǎn)。更糟糕的是，措辭冒昧，極不禮貌。針對(duì)這些不足，我們?cè)賮?lái)看一下另一個(gè)版本。
修改以后：
Dear Mr. Jones:
Thank you for your inquiry dated April 9.
Regarding the product you are looking for, currently our factory doesn't have the exact specification as you mentioned. We would appreciate it if you could supply us more details about the product you need, such as usage, product structure, material, working condition and so on. That will help us to see if we are able to meet your specifications.
Please take a moment to review some similar products in the enclosed catalog. They are all of high quality and have been exported to many countries worldwide.
Thanks again and we are looking forward to establishing a business relationship with your company in the near future.
Any of your early comments will be highly appreciated.
Best regards,
Chen Rong
Director, International Marketing
Zhejiang Golden Textiles
現(xiàn)在您覺(jué)得好多了吧!即使這次不能滿足對(duì)方的需求，只要我們處理得當(dāng)，還是可以保留住潛在合作的機(jī)會(huì)。有時(shí)候，信函的作用就是這么重要。
